Paradox of Love
by mychakk
Summary: While comforting her daugther, Usagi recalls one particular moment with her beloved Mamochan. UxM romance ChUxU friendship


Hi!

This one came to me a few days ago. I always felt that there weren't much Usagi/Chibi-Usa a.k.a. mother/daughter scenes in Anime. In Manga their relationship is more visible. So you can say the characters are more Manga based.

Saori, who mentioned here, is a character that appeared in episode no.132 after which this story takes place. Edward, who is mentioned in Usagi's tale, is a character form episode no.108.

Like I said in one of my earlier works, I'm more lurker than writer. Don't except much of it. Also I'm not a native English yet alone Japanese speaker so sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes. It's _not_ beta-read.

I don't care that much about reviews but it's nice to know on what I should work more. I never thought I will say it but you can flame my non existent writing skills but DO NOT flame my pairing preferences.

Have a nice day. And a nice read of course. :)

Mycha

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

**Paradox of Love**

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

„U-Usagi…"

A young girl in her teens looked up from her school books. Despite many opinions, she _did_ do her homework even if she often got distracted _or_ bored _or_ sleepy… but the point is she tired to do it _now_ and wasn't very pleased that anyone dared to disturb her.

She looked up to see the source of her slight annoyance and immediately all her negative feelings disappeared.

Exactly in the door, there stood a small girl no older than six years. Her bunny's-ear shaped odnagos where slumped and her whole posture screamed uneasiness. In her pretty light brown eyes you could clearly see her confusion.

Usagi immediately knew that something was not right and that the younger girl was clearly bothered by something. She pushed down her unhappiness of being distracted form her homework – _again _– and gave the small child her all attention. Clearly the young girl needed her and Usagi was not a person to walk past anyone who was in need.

"What is it, Chibi-Usa-chan?" she asked gently. The last thing in her mind was to make the younger girl think she's unwanted here.

"Um… I…" the pink-haired girl fidgeted unsure of herself. Could she possibly ask it? Will Usagi laugh at her and her fears? She didn't think anyone but Usagi would understand and be really able to help her. "I… um…"

"What is it, sweetheart?" Chibi-Usa's eyes widened at the loving and gentle voice she hadn't heard in a while. _Momma… Only Momma uses this kind of voice…_ She looked up sharply and her heart swelled at the look in Usagi's eyes.

Usagi, on her part, hearing the small voice coming from the usually cheerful and rather loud girl, unlocked all her affection for said girl from the deepest place in her heart. She knew it was what her small companion needed the most right now and was willing to comply.

"Chibi-Usa-chan?" she asked lovingly again this time opening her arms.

_Momma… Oh, she looks now just like Momma…_ tears shined in the child's brown eyes and she didn't wait any longer and run into awaiting embrace. Oh, how she needed to be hugged, to feel secure, loved…

Usagi embraced the child tightly, a bit surprised at the amount of motherly love she felt for the small treasure that had literally fallen from the sky right into their lives. _Oh, Mamo-chan… what a beautiful and precious princess we will have. I can't wait to have her properly in our lives. _She stroked rhythmically the child's hair and poured her whole love to comfort the girl.

Chibi-Usa was almost in heaven. She missed her Mother's hugs so much. Only they could provide this kind of secure and loving feeling. Her eyes dropped and she inhaled Usagi's smell. _Jasmine… she smells that even now. Oh, Usagi… you are _my_ Momma… Sometimes it's so hard to remember that… _

"Chibi-Usa-chan… daijobu?"

"Hai"

"Will you tell me what the matter is? Or did you just need someone the hug you?" there was no malice in the older girls voice only understanding.

"I… I needed Momma to hug me…" she whispered not lifting her head form its comfortable position on the older girl's breasts.

"Momma…?" Usagi mouthed soundlessly. If the warm feeling inside her chest spread anymore she thought she'd burst. Chibi-Usa wanted her Momma to hug her. And she wanted Usagi to fill that desire! Her heart swelled with pride and motherly love for the small child. Yet despite all that, she knew Chibi-Usa wasn't telling her the truth.

"And…?" she asked gently stroking the younger girl's hair.

Chibi-Usa looked up with wide eyes and Usagi laughed a little.

"Don't look so surprised. I feel there is something bothering you. But you don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it."

Chibi-Usa looked down biting her lip slightly clearly thinking what to do. _She's so adorable!_ Usagi thought, unconsciously hugging her future daughter even more.

"Usagi… I…" she took a deep breath and started again now with more confidence in her voice "Usagi, how can you be so calm when… so sure that Mamoru loves you?" she looked at her future Mother expectantly.

"Is this still about Saori-san? I thought you gave it up after last battle."

"Well, I saw how much Mamoru means to you,… You have almost died for him!" she sounded slightly desperate.

"And I would do the same for you." Usagi said firmly. Chibi-Usa swallowed at the look in Usagi's eyes. It was so different from her usual one full of mischief! It was so much like… _Neo-Queen Serenity_. And at this moment Chibi-Usa understood how Usagi could be both the future serene Queen – her Mother and her cheerful and mischievous young self. Now she saw that they are both parts of her. So different yet the same parts that made… her Mother.

But there was no time for this now, she will think about it later; now Chibi-Usa wanted to know the answer to her first question.

"But… Mamoru… Will he do the same? Does he love you as much as you do him?" she asked in a small voice yet didn't allow Usagi to answer as she continued her voice rising bit by bit. "Saori is so elegant and sophisticated and beautiful and mature and has a big dream and- and- is so different from you. And what if Mamoru suddenly thinks that she's better than you, and he will leave you and you will be so unhappy and I… I won't be born." she whispered the last part as if ashamed. "And if he doesn't love you than how could he love me? I'm so much like you…"

Usagi hugged her fiercely, her heart breaking at the sight of tears in the younger girl's eyes. Now she understood. It wasn't about her and Mamoru's love – her parents' love. No, it was about insecurities. Chibi-Usa's insecurities. S_o much like mine…_

This called for a delicate dealing and Usagi wasn't sure if she will be able to pull it off. She desperately wanted NOT to do any damage to Chibi-Usa's self esteem. How to deal with it? How to… and suddenly she knew.

"Sweetheart?" she started gently "Let me tell you this story, 'kay?"

The small child only nodded laying her head onto her future mother's breast. Suddenly she was very aware of her trust in he older girl. Funny, she never knew how much she trusted Usagi with her whole heart. Yet it was so natural to do so. She smiled a small smile felling very secure and warm in Usagi's embrace.

The older girl started her tale still stroking her smaller companion's hair.

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

_It was warm summer evening and many occupants of Tokyo were finally heading home after hard work day. In modern but comfortable apartment a young couple had been resting for a while. _

_The silence was wasn't oppressive and the two people were clearly at ease with each other's company. The young man with ebony hair was seated on the green sofa his reading glasses secure on his nose that has been buried in his physic book for some time. His companion, the young blonde girl was lying on said sofa, her head resting on the man's lap. _

_The girl sighed at the soothing moves of the man's hand in her hair yet she couldn't feel completely calm. There was again _that_ thought that had been bothering her for sometime. And it seemed like it wasn't going away this time soon. _

_The girl sighed again, her sigh wistful and somewhat sad. This time it caught the man's attention. He looked up from his reading material and gazed carefully at his beautiful companion. She always took his breath away even if he'd seen her mere minutes before, her features so dear to him that it squeezed his heart. Finally, he shook his head to clear his thought. Something was not right with her and he intended to find what._

"_Usako?" he asked gaining her full attention. _

"_Hm, Mamo-chan?"_

"_What's the matter? Something's bothering you."_

_Usagi looked away unhappily. Sometimes she really cursed their bond that tied them and their emotions together. Both of them could clearly feel what was happening with their other half and though usually it was very helpful now she wished it would disappear. How she didn't want Mamoru to know about her feelings! She was hoping to deal with them herself without bothering him. _

_Mamoru, on the other hand, was really happy to have the bond with his beloved Princess. He felt that something was up for some time now but if Usagi didn't want to tell him anything he decided to respect her wish for some time before finally confronting her about it. And he felt that the time had come now. So he watched her cautiously trying to read her expression. He wasn't happy to see her still unwilling. She was hurting herself for Heaven's sake and he wanted to comfort and help her!_

"_Usa… you know you can tell me anything, right?" he asked in his most soothing voice trying to placate her. _

_She was quiet for a moment before looking back at him, her face solemn. _

"_Hai, Mamo-chan"_

"_Then tell me what's bothering you?"_

"_I… I…" she sighed and attempted to say something before giving up again. She bit her lower lip, her eyes down. _

_Mamoru felt the desire built within him at the sight of his beloved biting her lip, but he squashed it immediately. Now was not the time for this, his Usako needed him. He waited for her to continue but it didn't seem she was going to do so. He opened his mouth to say something when – _

"_It's just– Mamo-chan why do you love me?"_

"_Huh?" he was so surprised by this burst that he failed to say anything._

"_Why do you love me? I mean…I'm plain and childish and making fun a lot of myself and bringing you embarrassment. I can't cook and do the housework like Mako-chan even if I try my best, and you can't talk with me about some interesting and big stuff like with Ami-chan." She was speaking faster and faster never noticing Mamoru's attempts to say something "and I can't dance or sing as Rei-chan and I'm definitely not as beautiful as Minako-chan." Her voice quivered a bit and rose even higher then before but she didn't stop. "I'm not elegant and sophisticated as Michiru-san and not as strong as Haruka-san. I can't fight well and you need to save me all the time. And I'm such a horrible nuisance to you- to everyone- And- and- " suddenly she burst into tears and hid her face in her hands, her small shoulders shaking with body wrenching sobs. _

_Mamoru's heart broke again and again with each sob that had come form the small form of his beloved Usagi. He immediately wrapped his arms around her bringing her as near him as possible. He seated her on his lap and started stroking her hair gently and spoke soothing nothings into her ear just to calm her down. Dealing with her insecurities will be next. _

Her insecurities.

_Kami, he never knew she had so many of them! She hid them pretty well from their bond, because he was sure he would be able to feel them especially if her guards fell down which happened a lot when she was with him_. Oh, Usako… my beautiful precious Usako… How can you say such a thing about yourself? Don't you see your beauty and perfection? _He needed to think how to help her. It's a very delicate manner and he can NOT do more damage. He cursed again his old treating of her when they weren't yet a couple. How much damage had he done then?_

_Finally Usagi's sobs calmed. She buried her head in Mamoru's chest clinging to him as if he was her only hope. He really felt like being it. Again he realized how important it was to cautiously treat his Usako in this talk. He knew they had to talk it over, he only hoped she knew it too. _

_Usagi felt spent and exhausted. She had been burying those feelings inside herself for so long that when she finally decided to ask the question she couldn't stop pouring everything else. She meant only to share a bit with Mamoru but it just spilled from her and she wasn't able to control it. She didn't want to look into his eyes afraid of seeing the_ _truth in there_.

_She was not worth of Mamoru, she didn't deserve him and she knew he could get so much better than her. Really, how could he want her and love her and be with her? She was so imperfect and childish and crybaby and whinny klutz and- and- tears again gathered in hr eyes and Usagi burrowed her face in Mamoru's sweater. _

"_Gomen…" she whispered "gomen… Mamo-chan…"_

"_Oh, Usa… why are you apologizing?" his gentle voice was like balm onto her wrecked soul. _

"_I… for…for that party at Edward's… and being so embarrassing to be with… and- and-"_

"_Stop it Usa!" Mamoru couldn't listen her bad mouthing herself anymore. "You cannot think such things about yourself. They are _not_ true. You are _not_ embarrassing to be with. I _love_ to be with you and I'm _proud_ to have you as my love and future wife and I cannot think of anyone better than you. I _don't_ want to think about anyone else, do you hear me? Usako, do you?" _

_He wanted to comfort her so badly that he didn't even realized how desperate he sounded at the end of his little speech. But Usagi _did_ and it warmed her heart so much that it slowly chased away some of her insecurities. _

"_H-hai… Mamo-chan…" she hugged him even more although both of them thought it was not possible to do so. Oh, how she loved that man. If she ever lost him… if he ever leaves her…_

_Mamoru as if sensing her fears started speaking again._

"_Usako, please don't torture yourself on this matter. It's not worth your time and nerves. I _love_ you. No one else. You are my only one, my bantering Odango, my brave Sailor Moon, my beautiful Princess, and most of all my beloved Usako." He smiled lovingly at her wide eyes so unsure of herself yet very hopeful. "Onegai Usako, I don't need Mako-chan or Ami-chan or Rei-chan or Minako-chan. And I don't want Michiru-san or Haruka-san. But, oh, I can't live without you! Just mere thought of this makes my heart clench with fear" he hugged her tightly "Never leave me!" then he released her and looked again into her eyes. "Please don't compare yourself to your friends. It's hardly fair to them" he smiled at her winking playfully and she smiled back a little smile. "They just don't have any, my future Queen." _

_Usagi laughed and threw her arms around Mamoru hugging him again very tightly. "Arigatou Mamo-chan. Arigatou! I don't know what I did to deserve you!" _

"_Hey, I could say the same, you know. I'm hardly perfect." His voice was both serious and playful. Usagi looked back at him, her eyes very serious. _

"_You are perfect to me." She said solemnly. _

"_And you are to me" he replied as solemnly as her. "And never doubt that"_

"_Hai!" Her smile couldn't be more beautiful._

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

Usagi looked back at Chibi-Usa not sure if the small child hadn't fallen asleep during her tale.

"Usagi…?" her whispered name gave her all the answers she needed.

"Do you know why I told you this, Chibi-Usa-chan?" Usagi asked rather seriously. Chibi-Usa looked at the older girl unsure what to say. She watched her future mother very carefully absorbing every word the older girl said. Usagi continued.

"I know exactly how you felt. I doubted how anyone could love me. After all I'm hardly perfect person. But Mamo-chan is hardly perfect either. Have I ever told you how he behaved when we first met? Ha! Call him perfect then!" she smiled at her memories then shook her head "But we'll leave that for other time, ne?" she smiled at Chibi-Usa who smiled back. "Now about the point of the story…" she swallowed "Well… we are not perfect. Neither you nor me nor Mamo-chan. No one really is. But we love each other _despite_ this imperfection. In fact those imperfections make us so interesting and unique. Can you imagine the world if everyone was perfect?" Chibi-Usa shook her head smiling. "And you know what? You definitely shouldn't be worried about Mamo-chan's love. You know what he told me later? He told me that, and I quote, _Chibi-Usa is the best gift you'll give me, ya know? She's not properly in our life yet, but when she will be she's going to be the best gift you'll give me. I will have my two rabbits with me. She's so much like you, Usako. That's the best about her_." Usagi smiled at her future daughter. Chibi-Usa's eyes widened and she threw her arms around the older girl.

"He really said that?" she asked amazed.

"Hai" Usagi stroked her future daughter hair gently "and what's more… I love you as much as he does. Never doubt that, sweetheart" Chibi-Usa buried her face even more into Usagi's chest sniffling slightly.

"Arigatou… Arigatou, Momma" Usagi's heart swelled with love.

"You're welcome, Muzume."

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

**the end**

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Well, I'm waiting for your thoughts on this.

Have a nice day.

Mycha


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